Hospital Visit...

I still drop tears now when I think about having to leave my child in the hospital. When she finally arrived, I was put in a room and asked a battery of questions and told us the rules of the unit, while they prepared 'A'. They brought her in with her oversized hospital scrubs on and teddy bear that they gave her. I kissed her, told her I loved her and said goodbye and shortly after, I was escorted out. This was so difficult because I'm the cautious parent that is particular about where she goes and who she stays with and always watching her like a hawk to make sure she is safe.

I don't recall ever being so full of emotion and crying so much in my life. I was emotionally and physically drained...I was angry, I was fearful, I was in shock, I was hurting for my family and for my little girl.

She was always so happy to see me and strangely was alright being in the hospital during her first stay. My family met me at the hospital--my 95 yr old grandma, sister, neice and nephews came for the adventure but the children weren't permitted in the unit. My sister watched the baby while my mother and I visited with 'A' We talked a little, she changed into the clothes I brought from home, she told us about the activities, and as I was combing her hair, the psychiatrist called me in.

The psychiatrist told me that he wanted to start her on a stimulant for ADHD. I was VERY hesitant about them giving her a stimulant because of her reaction to them in the past. My mother reminded me that we were in a hospital and to try it while she was being monitored in that setting. We were then called into a meeting with the Social Worker who got 'A's' history and appeared to be empathetic. She often repeated how complicated and difficult 'A's' case was. I felt the need to meet with the social worker first w/o 'A's' father being there because of his tendency to overspeak and monopolize the conversation but asked her to meet with him another time. 'A' was brought in to discuss what happened with us and very openly spoke of the proper way to handle herself and how she was going to do different.

She stayed 3 nights in the hospital and it pained me to leave her every time. I'll never forget her waving to her baby sister through the glass of the unit and her sister being so excited to see her. 'A' really seemed to like the structure of the hospital and the nurses noticed this too so they made things a little more difficult for her before she left.

Before she left, 'A's' father and I met with the psychiatrist. He told us that he didn't believe that she was bipolar and that the two parent's home needed to be run similar. His observation was that she didn't display psychotic behavior in the hospital and she was very agreeable. I respectfully told him that I had no doubt that she was bipolar and it wasn't uncommon for bipolar children to be able to "hold it together" in certain situations. Things were going her way up until a few hours before she was discharged. I also expressed my concern that she was manic due to the stimulant and that I hoped she would not be returning to the hospital. How I wish that I was wrong!