My surreal life...

If you told me a year ago that my life would be turned upside down, I never would have imagined this. I have lived and I am still probably living the nightmare of many parents. No, my child doesn't have a terminal disease like cancer but I am sure many would ponder if what our family is experiencing and enduring is worse. Those that have experienced serious mental illness of family members can only truly empathise but will never truly feel the pain and helplessness of having a child battling through the storm of bipolar disorder.

I have learned so much through my beautiful daughter's 9yrs of life. In the past few months, I have learned and experienced more than I think I wanted to: about myself, my family, my daughter and this ugly disorder. The most important thing that I've learned is that I will never take for granted is something so simple--- stability. Even though my daughter was diagnosed at age 4 with bpd and struggled through her short life....even after reading or hearing horror stories... I just never thought we would be here.

After having to visit my baby 4 different times in hospitals in three months; after hearing her cries of desperation; after having the police come to our home on several occasions; after the death threats to herself and the family; after having to search the house and hiding anything that could be used as a weapon; after many sleepless nights; after walking on eggshells; after being bitten, punched, hit, scratched, called names for hours at a time; after being faced with protecting the rest of my family; after being told that nothing was wrong with her and that I was the problem; after being faced with fighting my ex for my child and her stability; after questioning myself and role as a mother... I've strangely grown closer to my daughter. I have truly been immersed into the storm of bpd and have opened my mind to what patience really is. Through all of these experiences I've had to quickly develop thick skin and have learned to let the small stuff go.

I continue taking it one day, sometimes, one minute at a time but it comes with the territory of being a mother. Unconditional love and true sacrifice. I am not a very religious person but I pray everyday and try to stay positive and hopeful that we will live through this...that we will grow...that my daughter will know herself and be a healthy, happy and successful person.