The diagnosis

I got a call from my mother during her annual vacation at the lake with her grandchildren, asking me to come get 'A'. My mother was miserable and feeling helpless because 'A' was having such a difficult time enjoying the vacation--obsessing over the weather, afraid to leave the cottage, afraid that the other children were going to drown in the lake, and over-stimulated. Water became a huge fear of 'A' by that time and getting her hair washed, swimming, and bathing was always a big ordeal.



After several visits and a series of questionaires and Assessments, 'A' was diagnosed with early-onset bipolar disorder and ADHD. I was relieved and heartsick at the same time. Finally getting my daughter the help that she so needed was a relief but knowing that this would probably be a life-long diagnosis and a disorder that she would struggle with for the rest of her life, was so difficult. I never agreed with the ADHD diagnosis because I believed that the impulsivity, atttention, focus, and hyperactivity symptoms were just part of the bipolar disorder.



She was 4 1/2 when she got diagnosed, a very young age and one that many doctors would not diagnose something as permanent and serious as bipolar disorder. The doctors and I had no doubt that her symptoms and the magnitude of them were enough to make the diagnosis. We felt it was unthinkable to make her suffer any longer or prolong the inevitable diagnosis.



They started her on a low-dose anti-psychotic/mood stabilizing medicine. It was very difficult making the decision to give her the medication. There had been very little research done on using the medications for children and I was very afraid of the possible short-term and long-term side effects. I grew up in a house and family that believed in homeopathy and nutritional/natural healing and it was totally against what I had known . So many horrible things entered my mind and at least a week went by before I even opened the bottle but my mother reminded me of how unhappy 'A' was and persuaded me to give her the meds.



The auditory and visual hallucinations immediately ended with the onset of the medication. I didn't put much focus on the hallucinations because I didn't want to make matters worse but she stopped mentioning them. When I finally asked her about them, she told me that they had gone away. That alone was a comfort to me and a reassurance that I made the right decision to start her on the meds.



The doctor was cautious about dosages and meds because of 'A's' age and I was even more conservative than he was. We eventually switched to other doctors in the practice and although we tried a med in just about every group used to treat bipolar disorder, I was still afraid to get them at therapeutic doses for several reasons. Some caused bedwetting, some caused cognitive dulling, some caused mania, some caused upset stomach, some caused aggitation, some caused depression, some caused rashes. None seemed to stabilize her moods or take the fear and anxiety away. We even tried a stimulant to address the ADHD symptoms and it only caused her to be more aggressive and aggitated so bad that she punched through a window.