Blame and guilt

I cannot tell you how many people judged me and my dd based on what they saw of her behavior. Because 'A' was so unpredictable, we'd sometimes have pleasurable outtings and other times...not so pleasurable. I remember walking through Walmart as I was trying to find a place for her to have a meltdown in isolation and some man looked at me and said, "Whip her ass". I think it bothers me more now that I have a better understanding of her and the disorder.

I have had so many family members through the years that have had things to say about 'A' and how they'd "get her together if they had a week with her. " Well, we all know thats simply bullshit and they're idiots!

I just recently got a letter from a close family member whose opinion I respect and appreciate. She informed me that children become selfish and disrespectful if you "spare the rod and spoil the child". I have to say...it was a slap in the face. Even those that claim to understand 'A', don't REALLY understand how complicated and different it is parenting a child with BP.

People's solution is often to beat children that misbehave and they never even think that these children have real issues and battle with self control daily. Look back in history, people with mental illness were often looked upon as evil and were tortured and/or murdered. Thank God we're not living in those times but we haven't moved far enough from that thought.

Up until about 3 months ago, my father blamed me for her fears, anxieties and behavior. I've hung the phone up on him several times for his abusive and discouraging words. I can't tell you what made him realize that 'A' behavior was beyond her control but it is comforting to know that I have one more person that understands and is willing to help.

As if I didn't have enough guilt to deal with surrounding 'A's care, I began questioning my parenting skills. I will always acknowledge that I'm far from being the "perfect parent" and I've made my share of mistakes along the way but I had a hard time deciphering what behavior was due to her disorder or a reflection on me. I punished 'A' and regretfully, I even took other's advice and occasionally spanked her. Nothing seemed to work until I changed my mindset, stopped being concerned with what others thought, removed the negative people from my life, decided to do what worked for MY family and did what helped us move towards serenity in our home.