I've been afraid to say much for fear that something else would come up but...I think it's FINALLY over. Well, the court stuff is over...I think. It's funny, no--actually, it's ridiculous that it took a year from our lives, so much time and so much money have been spent and nothing much has changed. NOTHING! Well, in regards to his invovlement with 'A'...nothing has changed. He still gets to see her just as much as before and truthfully, I don't think he really wants her as much as he requested. Time will tell...
Now that the court shit appears to be over, I can actually mourn for my losses. This past year has been rough...I've lost many friends and even close family members over all of this. I found out that many of the people that I thought were my friends (including my ex), actually were not and the family that I thought would have my back, did not. I guess some friends felt like they needed to take sides and they chose his. What has gotten back to me is that I'm "just drugging my child because nothing is wrong with 'A' and I've turned from a once nice person, to a ghetto child abuser." OK?? How disappointing to think that people can be so weak-minded and believe the first thing that they hear. I would like to ask them how it's possible for little me to diagnose and prescribe medication. Gosh, forget the 5+ mental health professionals that treated/diagnosed her...it's all on me. It sure would be nice to make the $$ that child psychiatrists make. : ) I wouldn't dare comment or judge someone for something that I have no clue about...'A's condition is so complex and difficult that I'm still seeking information and adding books/data to my collection. I wonder how long I will keep encountering these people... I wish I didn't get disappointed so easily.
A good thing that came out of all of this is, my dad who, for many, many years, blamed me for 'A's behavior, finally accepted her diagnosis. If only 'A's father would open his eyes, read a book, join a support group, etc....she'd have a whole lot of positive energy working to help her. It was my stepmother, a person that I considered a friend and parent, eventually betrayed me. To make a long story short, I saw it coming to this months before. She oddly maintained communication with my ex and would tell me some of the things/lies he told her about me and my family. I often questioned why she would even listen to those things, and why she even communicated with him. All my ex had to do was talk about me once to my mother, and she put an end to any communication with him. I'll spare you the exact details but, my step-mother's communication with my ex continued and one incident made me say enough was enough. After I brought it to her attention that her actions were unthinkable, she blew it off and made my feelings insignificant. Needless to say, an apology was never even considered. Yes, I could forgive and forget but the wound was deep and has not healed yet. Unfortunately, my biggest fault is, I hold grudges and my heart won't allow me to forget. I'm working on this....
'A' is doing well, considering where we've been and I've been able to breathe some. In the process of trying to move forward, I feel like I've lost some of myself through all of this and haven't figured out if/how I will get all of me back. There are so many lessons to be learned and I cannot wait until I get to the point where I can look back and be at peace, knowing that this has only made me a stronger person.
I want to acknowledge and thank those who actually read this. A lot of people that I had no clue about them knowing the journey that I've been on with 'A', have sent their well wishes and support. Thank you! It REALLY means a lot to know that I'm...We're not alone.
It is amazing to me that the people who are closest can make a judgment and not even talk about it. They decide in their mind that the caretaker is at fault. They don't make any attempt, in true friendship or love and in honesty of their concern, to explain to the caretaker their perspective; or to attempt to peer a little deeper into the situation THAT THEY DON'T LIVE IN! to try to understand it. It is the sad reality of the caretaker. We handle the problem and endure abuse because we recognized a problem and sought to handle it. Now I know why the police can call a home to inform a parent that his child has been arrested and the parent can say, "You must have the wrong child. My Johnnie would never do anything wrong." Those parents are the cowards who shut their eyes to their children's problems and needs because they were afraid to endure the wrongful abuse in the form of fault-finding and blame that is heaped on the parents who stand up and say, "There is a problem here - we need help because I want my child to have opportunities later and I want my child to have the skills to survive after me."
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