A lil bit of everything....

The other day, I went to a workshop led by the author of "Exlplosive Child" and it was held at the Children's hospital where 'A' was admitted to twice, earlier this year. During the break, I walked around the lobby and looked up to the psych unit where 'A' spend many nights and saw the window of the room 'A' stayed in. I couldn't hold back the tears; the feelings of frustration and helplesness came back to me. I am still not at the point where I can think about what our family has been through and not cry. I dropped her off at school a yesterday and tears began streaming down my face, thinking about where we've been, how much better things are, and what the future could hold. I'm just a hot mess! :)

'A' continues to do better and she is actually learning and applying what she is taught in therapy. Understanding this illness has been so empowering for 'A'. I also find that the more stable she becomes, the closer she gets to me and further away she drifts from her father.

She is taking three different medications and supplements and the only obvious side-effect of the one med is weight gain. The one medication that she takes is mainly to counteract the weight gain but it doesn't seem to do much. It's hard to see my naturally slim child put on so much weight and so quickly. I've always had difficulty with my weight and I dont want her to struggle with all that comes with being overweight. I know how it hurts when someone describes you as, "well, the one with a very pretty face".

Court....I had pretrial #3 and it's still not over. This has gotten to be terribly expensive and emotionally draining and our next trial won't be for 3 months....ughhh I have come to the realization that this isn't even about Aminah anymore...it's his attempts to make me unhappy. It's been 9yrs....the guy needs to get a life and a GIRLFRIEND!!! Looks like I will have to draw from my retirement fund to pay the attorney and to continue paying the medicals bills that HE is responsible for... SIGH

Young adults may outgrow bipolar disorder

Young adults may outgrow bipolar disorder

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'A' during one of wonderful lessons!

NAMI Walk

There was a total of 20 on my team, including children and dogs that did the 2 1/2 mile walk! What wonderful and supportive family and friends I have.

She came back....

It was like night and day and from the depths of darkness, misery and true desparation, my beautiful lotus flower emerged. I have always liked the significance of the lotus flower in various cultures and shortly after she was diagnosed with bp, I got a lotus tattoo on my back with 'A's name.

Just when I thought my family couldn't endure any more, it came to me that I let 'A's' supplements run out, thinking that they weren't doing any good. So, I reintroduced her supplements and within 2 days, she was a different child. I got my happy and sweet baby back! She was affectionate, loving, sweet...she was 'A'!!!

I was so afraid to exhale for fear that it wouldn't last. I still slept with one eye open and was more than anxious. Everyone was afraid to even mention how much better things were for fear that we would jinx things.

Things did turn around BUT they didn't go back to our darkest moments. Intensive therapy, meds, supplements, routine, horseback riding, her understanding of her condition and unconditional love has helped tremendously. I don't think the supplements alone were enough nor were the medications but together...what a difference they make together!!!! I do sleep better now and I'm probably still trying to make up for my many sleepless nights. We're not 100% stable but I doubt if we will ever be...it's all relative anyway, right?

So many lessons have been learned through this unending voyage of life. My biggest lesson learned is to never, never ever take things for granted and to acknowledge and be appreciative of little things.

I believe in positive thought and energy and have no doubt that this has contributed to our wellness and "stability". Thank you for all that have prayed and sent your positive energy our way. I say "our" because my whole family and friends have felt 'A's' pain and have endured it with her. Now, I'm just fighting her father for her stability. He still remains in denial of her diagnosis and treatment and has taken me to court to get custody of her. I just had pretrial 1 of ????? I look forward to the day when all of this is behind us and I can quiet my mind knowing that I no longer have to fight in this battle. Please continue to send positive thoughts our way.